Marriage Humour

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Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : ‘Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’
Husband : ‘I was looking for the expiry date.’
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Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’
Husband : ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
Wife : ‘Yes or no.’
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Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?’
Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.’
Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!’
Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’
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Stress Reliever Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’
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Son: ‘ Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’
Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’
Son: ‘But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’
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A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever .
The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’
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A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor.’

俯卧撑

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1.给我做三下俯卧撑,我也能推动地球。——阿基米得

2.如果我曾经看得远一点,是因为我比别人多做了三下俯卧撑。——牛顿

3.做俯卧撑时运动速度大小,取决于你选取的参照物。——爱因斯坦

4.天才就是百分之九十九的汗水加上三个俯卧撑。——爱迪生

5.俯卧撑即合理。——黑格尔

6.做俯卧撑还是立卧撑,这是个问题。——哈姆雷特

7.俯卧撑尚未完成,同志们仍需努力。——孙中山

8.我撑故我在。——笛卡尔

9.俯卧撑已经做三下了,胜利还会远吗?——雪莱

10.世界上本来是没有路的,做俯卧撑的人多了,也就成了路。——鲁迅

11.做自己的俯卧撑,让别人说去吧!——但丁

12.我有一个梦想,有这麽一天,每一个黑人都可以自由地做俯卧撑,而没有人去问他们为什么!——马丁.路德.金

13.俯,我所欲也;撑,亦我所欲也!——孟子

14.轻轻的我撑起来了,正如我轻轻地俯下,我挥一挥衣袖,不带走一丝尘土!——徐志摩

广告部

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有个人死了,天堂在衡量罪行的时候发现他功过相抵,于是特准他自己选择去向。
天使说:“你可以先到天堂和地狱走一圈,再来决定。”
那人先到了天堂,发现所有人都在赞美上帝,不干别的。他觉得很闷,又到了地狱,见人们正在狂欢。于是他就对天使说:“我要下地狱。”
然而,当他被投进地狱,永不超生的时候,他才看到了狂风、烈火和传说中的撒旦。
他愤怒地找到了管事的,要讨个说法。谁知管事的撇撇嘴说:“那是我们的广告部。”

二战时期英军的黑色幽默

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  二战时期,德军在被占领的荷兰修建了一个假机场,由此引出了一个故事,长期以来它成为盟军老飞行员们的一个笑话。德军精心修建的“机场”机乎全是用木头建造的。有木飞机棚、木油罐、木炮台、木卡车和木飞机。德军这个假机场修了很久,因此盟军的照片专家们对它进行观察和报告的时间绰绰有余,调查得彻头彻尾。
  德军假机场的竣工日终于到来,最后一块木板钉好了。喜欢黑色幽默的英国人决定跟德军开个玩笑。第二天,一大早,一架孤零零的英国皇家空军飞机穿越英吉利海峡,向德军的这个刚刚竣工的木制机场低飞过来,在机场上空盘旋一圈后,英军飞行员从容地扔下一颗巨大的木制炸弹。

福尔莫斯和华生

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话说有一天,福尔莫斯和华生去探险。
他们在繁星之下搭建了帐篷。
半夜,福尔莫斯忽然对华生说:“你对眼前的星星,有何感想?”
华生说:“我眼前有这么多星星,可能有一颗和我们地球一样,有生命存在,如果有……”
“你个蠢猪,”福尔莫斯说道:“你不觉得我们的帐篷被人偷了吗?”